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Oct. 3rd, 2010

jeffb

empty promises

 Whenever you feel like going back,
remember the reason why you left.

Aug. 1st, 2010

marion

Childhood memories

I can really surprise myself with how much I can remember from my childhood. It's the first of August, and around twelve or thirteen years ago, I had my first communion on this day, at Christ the King Church along E. Rodriguez. Don't ask me why I remember it, because I don't know! It doesn't even matter anymore, given the current state of my religious beliefs, or lack thereof.

I was such a pious child back then. I was so fascinated with the lives of saints; I owned a book about them---I bought two copies, because the first one was confiscated in class and was never returned to me. They became the subjects of my drawings and paintings. I was scared that my sister would ridicule me for drawing saints, so I always claimed that I was doing it for a class project. I would even draw stars or write teachers' remarks on my drawings to make it seem more convincing. 

Naturally, I wanted to be a nun when I grew up. I would say my prayers and talk to Jesus every night, before going to bed. I made sure that I attended mass every Sunday, and I was very convinced that I was going to hell if I broke that habit.

Things have changed so much since then. I am glad.

It also suddenly occurred to me that August 1 is my third grade English teacher's birthday.

(I guess the fact that these events fall the first day of the month make them stick to the mind more easily.)

Her name was Leticia Jacinto. I still remember her short gray hair, her petite frame and her glasses that made her look stern. Many of my classmates thought she was a tyrant, but I thought she was nice. She was around 65 when I became her student. She never married, and she didn't have any kids. She lived with her relatives only a few blocks away from us, along Chico Street.

Ms. Jacinto taught at our school for such a long time that all four of us Pabellano daughters became her students. She was very acquainted with my family. Looking back, I find it terribly embarrassing how much of a brat I was back then. I remember one instance when I cried out loud in the classroom while quarreling with one of my classmates. Considering that she was a family acquaintance, I expected her to defend me and shower me with attention. (I apologize for my eight-year-old self.)

Having her attention wasn't always positive, though. She had an annoying habit of pointing out in front of the entire class that our family was very well-off because my parents owned a travel agency (they own a recruitment agency, by the way). The news even reached the other sections in my batch! She really made the word get around. I didn't see the point.

I will never forget her for her unique way of saying "thank you"---she pronounced the A in "thank" like one would pronounce the O in "tongue", and she insisted that all of her students say it in the same way. "Goooood-BYe and THOUUUNGKE you!... MISS. Ja-cin-TOOOO!" we would chant in robotic unison at the end of each class.

Sadly, Ms. Jacinto has been gone for a long time now. I still wonder where she got that idea of pronouncing "thank" in that way. Perhaps that was her own self-concocted way of making herself be remembered by her students. There were other remarkable things to remember her by, though---she was a great teacher. I no longer remember exactly what she taught us, but it would suffice to say that she left that impression.

So long, and thank you, Ms. Jacinto.
jeffb

(no subject)

Do not question your feelings. They are what you think they are, and there is no point in denying them. Embrace what you feel. Your emotions are beautiful, no matter what the circumstances surrounding them may be. Let them out; express yourself. Make the whole world know about them, scream expletives into a pillow, or write a poem. Savor the moment.

May. 12th, 2010

pdaisies

There's a fine, fine line.

I might actually be fortunate to have these obstacles standing between me and what I want, especially at this time when I am not yet ready to handle it.

Perhaps the right time will come someday, after I have figured everything out for myself. Perhaps a better option will come along.

The most painful thing would be having love right in front of me and having to say “no” to its face, knowing that I am not yet ready for it.

I don’t deserve you yet.

P.S. Thank you. You may not even realize it, but I am growing wiser because of you. :)

Apr. 9th, 2010

chungking

...

“I slowly began to doubt myself. Maybe the reason she didn’t answer was not that her reactions were delayed but simply that she didn’t love me.

So at last, I got it. It’s entirely beyond my control.

The only thing left for me… was to give up.”

~ Chow Mo-Wan, 2046 (2004)

Jan. 1st, 2010

jeffb

six years of LJ

Hello, 2010.

I barely post here nowadays. My last entry was written last November 29. hmm. I haven't been feeling very expressive lately. Twitter and Tumblr have also contributed significantly to this lack of motivation to blog.

Nov. 29th, 2009

jeffb

Vacation fail

morning. it's 4am and i just woke up. Everyone else is still asleep. Usually i fall asleep at this time. I'm in this resort called Caylabne Bay with my family. There is no internet access here, i'm just trying to blog from ping fm. I hope this works. We used to go here a lot twelve years ago. Now it's just sad and obviously unloved. My sister wants to go jetskiing later but i dont feel like it. I just wanna go home. Good vacation spots are supposed to feel like a home away from home, but this is just sad. My crazy family is with me, so it's all good. I want coffee.

Oct. 29th, 2009

jesus

We see through screens and hear through speakers. How about our sense of smell?

I really hope that within the next twenty years, somebody will be able to invent a way to transmit olfactory data through television or the Internet. Imagine the possibilities it could spell for advertising, or shows and websites that have something to do with food. Seeing the food is just porn, but smelling it is foreplay. Seeing someone grill that deliciously marinated steak on the Food Channel looks good, but imagine how you would feel if you could actually smell it.

Perhaps smells can work just like colors that could be blended to form more distinctive types. Scientists could generalize smells into a few fundamental types, just as there are primary and secondary colors: the olfactory equivalent of the color wheel. Engineers could invent a device that utilize cartriges that contain chemicals which produce those fundamental smells, just like printers. Programmers could write a new system or language for smells, just as colors have the RGB or CMYK color spaces, so that they can assign numbers that will tell the device how much of those chemicals should be released by the device in order to replicate the required smell. For example, the smell of frying garlic and butter can be replicated by releasing 345 nanoliters (nL) of solution (sol) #24, 70 nL of sol #6, and 5668 nL of sol #13. These nanodrops would finally be transmitted to the user through something like a small speaker, that could look like a small cup that will fit the nose for efficient transmission.

I think this may have already been attempted before, but I doubt if it ever became successful. What I want is a relatively cheap and accessible device that can be integrated with audio-visual mass media for a three-dimensional sensory experience. However, such a device is potentially dangerous and exploitable. Our sense of smell is a very powerful thing; certain scents or odors can bring back vivid memories of a certain time or place in an instant. For example, the smell of Safeguard's papaya soap immediately reminds me of Incubus' 2004 Manila concert, because that was the soap I used that day, and it lingered on my skin throughout the night. Imagine all the psychological possibilities if such a device were to be invented.

Please take note that I have no professional knowledge of chemistry, engineering or computer science. All of these are mere figments of my imagination. I'm not even sure if these things are possible! I'll just leave it to the smart people to decide.

What do you think?

And yes, I know I am strange. And crazy.

Jul. 17th, 2009

jeffb

Writer's Block: Childish Pleasures

Name something you love but feel like you should have grown out of by now.
I've fallen in love with cute stuffed toys again. I got a stuffed panda from Ocean Park in Hong Kong last February that I squish, hug and call "Bebeh" with a pouty accent. I actually want a bigger one, but I have this friend who tried to bring home a gigantic panda stuffed toy from China but it wasn't allowed at the airport. I also have a stuffed toy of a pink cow on my bed, and a blue and yellow fish. Those two came free with food in a Chinese and a buffet restaurant. I still have the big Benetton bear they got me when I was a kid, but it's in my closet right now because I need the space.

I also got a Shar Pei stuffed toy last week! It was too cute to resist. It was kinda expensive too, but my mom also found it cute and offered to buy it for me. Unfortunately my nephew fell in love with it too, and took it home with him. He calls it "Brownie" and can't seem to decide whether it's a boy or a girl.

They look cute together! Yeah I don't mind him keeping it, he can have it first.



Jul. 16th, 2009

marion

Writer's Block: Le Quatorze Juillet

Happy Bastille Day! Today the French celebrate the event that sparked the French revolution. In honor of our Francophone friends, what is your favorite French thing? Bonus points for answers en français.
J'adore Marion Cotillard! Elle est belle, magnifique...j'aime son film, Jeux d'enfants. Je peux le voir encore et encore et encore. J'aime les films français aussi. Je vis Vivre sa vie par Jean-Luc Godard la semaine derniere. My French sucks. This entry is two days late. I'll do my homework now.

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